Written by: Abbey Riendeau, LMHC
The days are getting shorter and the weather is getting colder, often signaling to us that the holiday season is quickly approaching. For some, this is a joyous time of year; but for others, the holidays may bring stressors that don’t make you feel merry and bright. Although you may be seeing all the holiday cheer commercials full of smiling faces, I am here to tell you that it is normal if you don’t feel that same holiday cheer. According to the American Psychological Association, 38% of people surveyed reported that their stress increased during the holiday season. If you don’t love the holidays, you are not alone!
There are a variety of reasons why you might find this time of year to be stressful and difficult to get through. It can be the jam-packed social calendar, end-of-the-year deadlines at work, celebrating holidays without a loved one, financial stressors as you try to buy gifts, sunless and cold winter days, or all of the above. All of these factors and other stressors can increase the likelihood of physical illness, depression, anxiety, and substance misuse.
If you know that the holiday season often brings you increased stress or other mental health challenges, it’s important to prepare yourself for the season and try to deflect some of the increased stress around this time of year. It can be helpful to focus on elements of stressors that you have control over. However, it’s also important to recognize that if you are putting interventions in place and are continuing to feel overwhelmed or depressed, professional mental health treatment is available.
Below are five signs you may be struggling around the holidays and some suggestions for potential ways to address these stressors:
You Don’t Experience the “Holiday Spirit”
The cheeriness is on TV shows, commercials, billboards, and it may be radiating from your family around you– being surrounded by holiday bliss can be difficult when you don’t experience the same level of enthusiasm as others. You may experience pressure from others to be social, happy, involved, and present during the holiday season and this can make it difficult to express it if you feel differently.
What you can try:
It’s never good to try to force yourself to feel a certain way, so recognizing that you don’t need to feel happy can be a great way to begin relieving yourself of the pressure to feel happy, engaged, and cheerful. Accept your limitations and set boundaries with family and friends as needed, but try to be patient with others as well. It’s important to acknowledge the feelings you are having, even if they aren’t joyful. You are not alone in feeling this way. It can be helpful to try to see others’ point of view and consider being involved in only the most prioritized activities as you are able. Prepare for family gatherings by having a plan for coping if drama or family conflicts arise. Communicating expectations, intentions, and boundaries with family is also important for protecting your well-being. Having a plan for caring for yourself before, during, and after gatherings can also assist in improving your mental health and holiday experiences. If you are not up for gatherings, celebrate the holidays as you would like, even if that means celebrating alone or in an unconventional way.
It’s also helpful to refrain from avoiding or numbing feelings by using alcohol or other substances. These substances tend to worsen the experience of anxiety and depression over time. If it’s possible, surround yourself with people who understand how you are feeling and may be feeling similarly. Having support from others can be extremely helpful in relieving stress.
You’re Experiencing Grief and Loss
The holiday season can be especially challenging for those who have experienced the loss of a loved one, especially the first holiday season without them. Others may experience grief due to past trauma or other significant events that occurred during this time of the year. If you are experiencing grief, loss, trauma, or loneliness, you are not alone and help is available. You may be having difficulty accepting that the holidays will be different without a loved one or coping with triggers that bring up painful memories or reminders.
What you can try:
Don’t force yourself to do things you don’t want to do, even if that means celebrating the holidays differently. Although change is difficult, reminding ourselves that as circumstances change, traditions and celebrations may also change can be helpful. It’s also important to acknowledge your feelings and provide the space to experience them. During this time, it may be beneficial to find and check in with a support group, a therapist, faith community, or supportive friends who understand what you are going through. If possible, communicate with loved ones about how they can help and support you.
You’re Stressed Out by Gift-Giving
There are so many commercials and junk mail catalogs advertising all the latest gadgets and gifts during the holiday season. It can be easy to get caught up in the marketing of the holidays and end up feeling stressed about finances or trying to find the right gift.
What you can try:
First, try to remember that giving to others is not about spending money, but rather about the meaning and care behind the gesture of thinking of someone and picking out or making a gift. Take a look at your finances and consider how much money you can realistically spend for holiday celebrations. Create a budget and stick to it. If you have many people to buy gifts for, consider suggesting a Secret Santa or White Elephant gift exchange to reduce the quantity of gifts everyone needs to purchase. Also, it may not be what you want to do, but if needed, communicate to others if you are unable to give gifts this year. If finances are tight, consider creative and homemade gifts, such as writing a poem, painting a picture, making baked goods, or framing a photo. You may also consider gifts of service, such as creating a “coupon” for you to mow someone’s lawn, cook a meal, or do their laundry. Many individuals would love an act of service as a gift and often the generosity of giving your time to others is much appreciated. Sometimes this even helps to reduce anxiety by allowing us to focus our attention on helping others.
The Lack of Sunlight is Impacting Your Mood
If you live in the northern hemisphere and especially if you live in the northern part of that hemisphere, you experience much less sunlight during the holiday season. Places like Alaska, Canada, and the northern states within the U.S. are especially impacted by the lack of sunlight and cold weather. You may notice that having less exposure to natural light is leading to new or increased symptoms of depression.
What you can try:
If you are a person whose mood is impacted by sunlight, it will be important for you to prioritize getting as much sunshine as possible. Consider boosting your mood and regulating your sleep by scheduling outdoor exercise during the middle of the day when the sun is the brightest. This might mean taking a walk on your lunch break or sitting outside or in your car to eat. You may also find it helpful to sit by a window as you work throughout the day. Even incorporating warm and bright light in your home can help improve energy levels. Many holiday traditions incorporate the use of candles and twinkling lights for good reason! If you believe you could benefit from increased interventions, talk to your doctor about incorporating the use of light therapy.
You’re Alone or Feeling Isolated
Many individuals have friends and family to spend the holidays with, but if you don’t have this type of relationship with others or you are feeling disconnected, it can be hard to find supportive company. You may feel alone or isolated for various reasons. This can be brought on by challenging relationships with family and friends, depression and anxiety, lack of finances to participate in gift giving, or maybe you have lost a loved one with whom you would spend the holidays. Whatever the factors are, it can be difficult to reach out to others.
What you can try:
Create a list of people, places, and things that bring you joy or make you feel happy. Consider prioritizing these things. This may include scheduling a regular call or video chat with friends or spending time each week at your favorite coffee shop or bookstore. Consider taking advantage of the multiple resources we have available for connecting with others. You may send out a holiday card, communicate with friends and family by phone, text, or social media, or schedule time to meet up with a friend. If you aren’t feeling up to social situations, consider engaging in calming activities that are pleasant for you, such as reading, mindfulness, gratitude journaling, or yoga. It’s also important to prioritize yourself by keeping up with self-care. We know it’s important to have a balanced diet, drink water, exercise, and get plenty of sleep, but it is so easy to lose sight of these important pieces with all the distractions and stressors of the holiday season. Keeping an eye on our basic self-care can help us feel more like ourselves during this challenging time.
The holiday season is a very difficult time for many individuals. If you are struggling during this holiday season, know that you are not alone. Our therapists at Forensic Insight Group are here to support you and answer any questions you may have. If you are feeling as though you are experiencing any of the challenges listed above, feel free to reach out to us to schedule an appointment or call 988 for immediate mental health support. Understanding how various seasonal factors impact your mental health is important for improving future holiday seasons and coping with the current season.
Citation:
Guide to Managing Mental Health Around the Holidays | McLean Hospital. (n.d.). Www.mcleanhospital.org. https://www.mcleanhospital.org/essential/mcleans-guide-managing-mental-health-around-holidays