Written by: Abbey Riendeau, LMHC
This blog post deals with the sensitive topic of suicide. If you or someone you know needs support or help, call or text the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
September is suicide prevention month and I am using this platform to bring awareness to how we as a society talk about suicide. This may be an uncomfortable topic, but it’s an important one. In the United States, suicide is the second leading cause of death of people between the ages of 10 and 24 and suicide rates for that same age group have increased by 50% from the year 2000 to 2021, according to the CDC. Suicide is a national public health crisis, which means that it is critical we do everything in our power to provide education, support, and assistance to those who are suffering. This blog post will look at the ways in which our language around suicide has shifted over time and the possible implications about how we talk about suicide.
Just like many aspects of our society, language shifts and changes over time. Different generations have different types of slang. From “far out” to “with my peeps'' to “I’m shook” and more recently “that’s fire.” Similarly, the language we use to discuss suicide has also shifted and changed as we learn more about the implications of our words. When someone takes their own life intentionally, we often see this communicated with the phrase, “committed suicide.” The word “committed” implies that a choice was made, similar to a choice to commit a crime or a deliberate act. The problem is, those who do die by suicide often feel as if they do not have a choice. Those who die from suicide often struggle with mental health challenges and/or have experienced trauma or major life stressors. These experiences sometimes make individuals feel as though suicide is the only way to end their suffering. Additionally, this phrasing often pathologizes those impacted. By using more objective phrasing, we remove the negative connotations from the language, which can make discussions about suicide easier. Despite advise and guidelines to avoid this type of harmful phrasing, media outlets often continue to use “committed” in reporting on suicide deaths. Recommended terminology for discussing suicide is “died by suicide.”
As recommendations for how suicide should be discussed have become more widely known, it has brought up questions around the topic of “softening” language. Is this beneficial or harmful? Does it add to the taboo of suicide? Some alternative phrases you might have seen or heard include, “lost their battle with mental illness,” “took their own life,” or “unalived themself.” These questions about the impacts of changing language have become particularly relevant as the newer word “unalive” has become more popular on social media platforms. Other questions have come up around the role that social media algorithms play in this shift in language.
Many individuals who choose to discuss mental health issues online, including the topic of suicide, have begun to use the word “unalive” in replace of “suicide.” This is because of the social media algorithms, which will often remove posts or prevent users from seeing posts if trigger words like “suicide” are used. This policy is well-intentioned, as previously graphic videos or descriptions of violence and suicide could be found on media platforms. But because of this algorithm, creators are forced to shift the language they use to prevent their messages of awareness from being flagged or taken down. Some creators use the word “unalive” comically but others use it for candid discussions about mental health.
Does using “softer” language create more comfortability around discussing the topic or does it add to the taboo and shame associated with the topic of suicide? What happens if we avoid the word ‘suicide’? It may depend on who you ask. Many view the avoidance of the word “suicide” as contributing to the stigma and sends the message that others cannot handle the heavy topic. This can perpetuate isolation, especially for those experiencing suicidal thoughts, as they may not feel like others are capable or willing to hear their suffering.
Some individuals may believe that softening the language makes it easier or more comfortable to discuss. This shift in language is known as “lexical innovation,” and while it may be jarring for others to hear suicide discussed so euphemistically, many don’t believe that it removes the seriousness from the conversation. Some argue that utilizing the word “unalive” may allow for more meaningful discussions among young people, giving them a sense of community and trust among each other. It can create a kind of solidarity among those who understand the meaning. Additionally, some argue that when we avoid using specific language to talk about suicide, such as avoiding the word “unalive”, it can contribute to the culture of silence and shame around the topic. On social media, the avoidance of using the uncensored word of “suicide” is what allows the discussion of suicide to even occur on some platforms.
TikTok is one of the most popular and widely used social media platforms at present. TikTok also has more censorship than other platforms, such as Reddit, which has much less censoring of content. TikTok’s official blog explains their reasoning for censorship, stating, “We do not allow content depicting, promoting, normalizing, or glorifying activities that could lead to suicide or self-harm. However, we do support members of our community sharing their personal experiences with these issues in a safe way to raise awareness and find community support.” It’s obviously a difficult balance between providing support and raising awareness while also not promoting or contributing to mental health challenges. It’s also challenging to create censorship that targets inappropriate discussions while also allowing productive and supportive discussions about the same topics. It’s difficult to know if social media users prefer the alternative language around suicide or if they only use it to avoid censorship. Is there a way to have open discussions about suicide on social media while also censoring the innappropriate and harmful posts? That’s the million dollar question.
While some argue that avoiding the term “unalive” can contribute to stigma, many believe that avoiding the term “suicide” can do the same. A study on the language used around suicide found that respondents typically preferred terms that were factual, clear, descriptive, and non-stigmatizing. In the end, the words we use to describe these mental health challenges can impact someone’s decision to seek help.
Alternative language can be seen on a sort of spectrum because not every alternative wording for “suicide” is stigmatizing. For example, the phrase “taking one’s own life” still explicitly communicates what happened while avoiding stigma. Deborah Tannen, a professor of linguistics, expressed concern around “meta-messages,” which is a meaning derived from context or how the phrase is used but the word itself is not used. When the word “suicide” is avoided it sends a meta-message that suicide is unmentionable because of how shameful or awful it is. (Anyone else getting Harry Potter “Voldemort” vibes?)
Research shows that mental health stigma can play a big role in discouraging people from seeking help and the way we discuss suicide and other mental health issues plays a role in that stigma. Not only does language matter but how we portray mental health struggles in media, including television, matters. One study found that the suicide rate among boys aged 10-17 increased significantly the month following Netflix’s 2017 debut of the show 13 Reasons Why. The show is centered on a teenager who dies by suicide. Additionally, the show originally depicted the teen dying by suicide, but the scene was cut from the show two years later following concerns about the impact on consumers. This uptick in suicide deaths following the show may be due to a phenomenon called suicide contagion. The most recent examples of this have been after celebrity deaths, such as Robin Williams death by suicide in 2014. In the months following his death, suicide via the same method increased by 32% and many raised concerns about the romanticizing of Williams’ suicide by media outlets. This highlights the importance of monitoring how we talk about and portray those who are impacted by suicide.
How to Talk About Suicide:
It can be scary and uncomfortable to bring up the topic of suicide with others– whether you are having your own thoughts about suicide or because you are concerned about that someone else is. Either way, it’s not usually a fun conversation and many are unsure of how to approach it. First, know that talking about or bringing up the topic of suicide does not cause people to kill themselves, but not bringing up the topic of suicide might. If you are concerned about someone, be direct and ask, “Are you thinking about suicide?” and then ask how you can help. By saying the actual word, “suicide”, it takes some of the power or shock away from the topic or word. If they are struggling with suicidal thoughts, it’s okay to ask more specific questions, like if they have a plan or a time frame. The goal is to make a non-judgmental connection with the person, engage them in conversation, validate their feelings, and give them support. Another goal is to prevent isolation and encourage further human connections. Connecting the suffering person to additional support, like a therapist or doctor, can be helpful as well. Avoid reminding the suffering person what or who they have to live for, as this often creates shame and makes the person feel worse. We want to avoid treating the person as if they are made of glass but rather provide them with nurturing and support.
When a survivor is looking for support, avoid casting blame or searching for details of the suicide. Often survivors are hesitant to share their stories due to being met with questions like, “didn’t you know something was wrong,” or “why didn’t you do anything?” This kind of blaming perpetuates the stigma of suicide. Additionally, avoid placating statements like, “they’re in a better place now,” as this often makes survivors question why the place where they are at was not good enough for their loved one. Instead, offer your unconditional support by voicing your availability to be there for the person and then follow through with that support.
How can you discuss mental health issues online, including suicide, in a respectful and unharmful way? Unlike media outlets, who have guidelines that they are supposed to adhere to for reporting on suicide, social media platforms vary on guidelines and censorship of these discussions. It’s up to the individual social media users to hold themselves accountable for having safe and respectful conversations while not sensationalizing suicide. I’ve included some strategies for guiding people towards appropriate and productive conversations about suicide or other tragedies on social media.
Include a content warning or trigger warning to provide others the opportunity to scroll away. This can help prevent ‘triggering’ someone. This can happen when someone who is already contemplating suicide comes across material of someone else engaging in this behavior, which can draw them closer to suicidal feelings and thoughts.
Limit details of the suicidal behavior, including personal information, method of suicide, and content of suicide notes. Including sensitive details can cause overidentification with those who have attempted or died by suicide. Additionally, it often oversimplies the events leading up to someone’s death by suicide.
Avoid including images or video content that depict the method or location of suicide. These can be especially triggering and may make suicide seem more realistic.
Like we discussed above, the language that is used to discuss suicide is important. It has the ability to create further shame and stigma. Avoid the phrase “committed suicide” and utilize “died by suicide” instead.
Avoid sensationalizing acts of suicide, rather highlight the importance of the bigger issue and encourage healthy coping behaviors without normalizing suicide.
Monitor comments on social media posts for hurtful or insensitive remarks. Inappropriate comments should be removed.
Provide messages of hope by sharing information that suicide is preventable. Link to resources for seeking help, such as crisis helplines, informative websites, and mental health professionals.
If you are experiencing suicidal thoughts or feelings, please know you are not alone and reach out for help. Support is available 24/7 via phone or texting through the National Suicide Prevention Lifeline at 988.
Additionally, our therapists at Forensic Insight Group are here to support you and help you find assistance. Contact us today to schedule a free fifteen-minute consultation regarding individual therapy or other services.
Citation:
Engelson, B. J., Bernstein, S. A., Moutier, C. Y., & Gold, J. A. (2023). Content Notice: Guidelines to Discuss Suicide on Social Media. Missouri medicine, 120(1), 15–20.
Ravitz, J. (2018). We need to start talking about depression. In CNN. https://www.cnn.com/2018/06/09/health/suicide-language-words-matter/index.html
News, A. B. C. (2023, July 14). Online, “unalive” means death or suicide. Experts say it might help kids discuss those things. ABC News. https://abcnews.go.com/Health/wireStory/online-unalive-means-death-suicide-experts-kids-discuss-101250218
Tait, A. (2022, May 27). Are TikTok Algorithms Changing How People Talk About Suicide? Wired. https://www.wired.com/story/algorithms-suicide-unalive/
What Are The Right Words To Use When Talking About Suicide. (2019, September 9). Thesaurus.com. https://www.thesaurus.com/e/ways-to-say/right-words-about-suicide/